Something Missing

I know for a fact that the end doesn't just happen, suddently. It has a long coming and going of phases of fightings, misunderstandings and shit that usually, nobody knows where it comes from. I could say that now I'm able to see it.

She used to look at me and make me feel her love, she didn't even have to say anything, I knew she loved me. So, it's been a few days since we don't sleep together anymore. She's right by my side, but the fact she's not holding me doesn't concern her. And I'm letting it happen.

Why? Just because I've felt I have to do it every single time, and if I don't, she certainly won't. Well, I've seen I was right. I can't say I don't miss it, but I'll let it go on, let's see where it'll get us. Even though I know where. I'm starting to think I'm cursed.

We're almost getting to the mark of the eleventh month and I can't see what's really good about it. I don't feel she's close to me anymore, and she doesn't even notice. I'm writting this cause I really wanted to get it out of me. Yesterday, I though it would be a big night. It was supposed to. Didn't go the way I expected. Why? Cause she acted like I wasn't even there, for the whole night long. 

There's nothing I hate most that this feeling that it's all comming apart. We spent so much time trying to do it right, make it happen, and now it starts to fall on our backs, but it only brings me down, cause she's still standing, and I can see she's good this way. She has a lot of friends and I'm usually forgetting what this word means. I know a lot of people, but that's just not the same. 

And when I lay down my head, I can't sleep anymore, cause this thoughts hunt me day and night and I can't see a clear solution. Just wanted for this storm to end. I though so hard she was the one for me, but now that we're not that close anymore, she just can't see what's right in front of her. She's letting me go, and I'm letting it happen. 

I know that if it goes on long enough, I'm gonna leave and she's not gonna notice I'm not here. My side of the bed is empty right now, and I'm pretty sure that doesn't make any difference for her. When I tell her everything I'm thinking, she says I'm wrong and insists it's not like that. I don't buy it. Make me understand you're there for me, you're by my side, not far away, having lots and lots of good times while I'm there just waiting for you to show me you know I'm there. 

I would, but I won't. I just wanted her to miss me. And now she shows me that she clearly doesn't. I know I must be doing everything wrong, cause I always do that. I'm a hell of a mess, and I tend to mess up everything. I break everything I touch. As it lasted ten months already, I thought I was doing it right. Well, I guess I'm wrong. 

And you wanna know why I wrote this whole thing down in english? Cause I want her to care enough to search for it's translation. That's all I want; for her to care, and show me that she does.

I Wanna Love You

Já chegamos no décimo mês, e, por incrível que pareça, cada dia é melhor e a todo instante isso cresce... ainda tem aqueles mesmos bilhetes pela manhã e todos os anteriores estão lá guardados, num grande bloco de fofuras. Às vezes ela me xinga (e às vezes com razão), às vezes me bate, às vezes brigamos, mas logo tudo volta ao normal, tudo é lindo de novo. 

Esse ano que passou foi um grande marco pra nós e a melhor coisa foi terminar o ano e começar este do teu lado. Mas todo dia, eu olho nos teus olhos e entendo perfeitamente porque te amo dessa forma. Que todos os nossos próximos dias sejam exatamente assim como foram os que passaram, cheios de riso, companheirismo, parceria, loucura, paixão, amor, carinho, cuidados... Eu já te disse antes, que encontro em ti tudo que preciso pra viver, e é no teu abraço que eu quero dormir e acordar todos os dias. 

Pra nos resumir em poucas palavras, descrevo uma cena básica: queimando um brisa do mar, na beira do mar, pôr do sol, reggae rolando, teu sorriso pestinha, tua mão na minha. É toda a paz que se pode encontrar no mundo. E tudo isso é tão gostoso que eu quero poder ter isso pra sempre. 

Como já me disseram, "ela te ama muito, né?"; é, como eu nunca vi antes. E da mesma forma, eu te amo como nunca amei antes.